I’ve been feeling a bit blah about 2019. It’s been a hard year for a lot of people. At times I’ve struggled. I’ve watched people I love struggle. It’s been a bit of a drag. I didn’t want to carry that energy into 2020 so I cut off my hair and coloured it red and solved all my problems and now everything is wonderful. The first part is true. The second part is less so. It turns out that making a huge change to my appearance didn’t do anything except change my appearance. Which is both comforting and maddening at the same time.

I think I might be experiencing a midlife unravelling. Brene says it much better than I could ever hope to, so I’ll wait here while you click over and read her words.

Right, so, the unravelling. I think part of what my problem is, is that I love my life and I don’t want to walk away or blow up any part of it. I love my family and my friends and my jobs and Grady’s school and my neighbourhood and my everything. I am an extremely lucky person who enjoys more privilege than she deserves. I know all this and yet, last week I walked into a salon and asked the stylist to cut off six inches of length and colour my hair red. Insert the biggest shrug emoji here.

I think I’m looking for something but I’m not sure what it is just yet. If you’ve figure it out, please let me know.