Today is Camp Day at Tim Horton’s so after I dropped Grady at school I decided to zip through the drive-through for coffee. Camp Day is kind of a big deal, though, so there was a lineup of cars and I had lots of time to read about the new lemon Timbit. Lemon anything is my jam so when I got up to the intercom to place my order, I requested a box of assorted Timbits with lots of lemon ones. The person on the other end asked if I wanted a box of assorted Timbits or a box of lemon Timbits and in that moment I realized it was kind of a dick move of me to make special requests on Camp Day when the lineup of cars was literally backed out through the parking lot and into the street. I told them assorted would be great, pulled up and paid, and went on my merry way.

But it reminded me of a drive-through incident I experienced probably 15 years ago, which I believe is the root of my drive-through trust issues. Tim Hortons used to have a full-sized doughnut and a Timbit called the Dutchie, a glazed doughnut full of raisins. The Dutchie was bullshit. My drive-through order always included the caveat “no Dutchies” whenever I ordered Timbits or a box of doughnuts.

One day, I placed my order at the drive-through window, specified no Dutchies, paid, and drove away. I was blocks away before I cracked open my box of Timbits and found nothing but Dutchies. It was the day my drive-through innocence died.

Now I am 100% that bitch who opens her bag and checks her drive-through order before driving away and I do it completely without shame. I’ve been burned before, pals. I’m not going to let it happen again (even though the Dutchie was discontinued years ago for being pure trash).