Meal Plan 09/10/2018 - 09/14/2018

Everything feels overwhelming and unmanageable right now so in an attempt to quell the despair spiral, I spent today meal prepping my butt off. It helped that the weather was rainy and dreary all weekend. It was the perfect weather to have a stove of something soothing bubbling away for an afternoon. 

I made a big pot of spaghetti bolognese that we'll have one night and use the leftovers as Michigans. I made a batch of mujadara to support my goal to eat more iron-rich non-meat foods. I made devilled eggs to grab as quick breakfasts or to throw in salad for a quick packed lunch. 

And I made Smitten Kitchen's purple plum torte and a batch of chocolate chip cookies for snacking. 

Monday: mujadara and green salad for Meatless Monday (with a side of chicken wings for Shawn).

Tuesday: spaghetti bolognese served with green salad and garlic bread.

Wednesday: turkey burrito bowls. We had these in our HelloFresh box last week and they were a huge hit. If you are interested in trying HelloFresh and want $40 off your first box, use this code (and I'll get $25 off my next box!)

Thursday: Michigans using the leftover bolognese sauce. Roasted broccoli.

Friday: out with friends

What's your menu look like this week?

Meal Plan 09/03/2018 - 09/07/2018

Grady's first day of school is tomorrow and weeks ago I figured I wouldn't want to spend the last weekend of summer break meal prepping so I ordered HelloFresh. I am very fond of weeks' ago Hillary. She didn't know it then but this week is absolutely bonkers for Shawn with work stuff and band stuff and two days in San Diego. I'm pretty stoked to not have to worry about food this week is what I'm saying. 

Monday: We barbecued burgers and ate a suboptimal watermelon in a desperate attempt to pretend it's still summer.

Tuesday: Cajun-spiced Chicken Burgers with DIY Dill and Parsley Mayo from HelloFresh. In our experience, whenever the HelloFresh delivery has a bread product in it, it's best to eat that meal first. 

Wednesday: Turkey Burrito Bowl with Avocado Pico de Gallo and Cilantro-lime Rice from HelloFresh. 

Thursday: Delivery pizza for the love of lowered expectations. I will throw a vegetable in the children's general direction. 

Friday: Fusilli al Forno with Beef, Homemade Marinara, and Fresh Ricotta from HelloFresh. 

If you want to jump aboard the "we have to feed these people multiple times a day every damn day SOS" train, you can get $40 off your first box using this link (and I'll get $25 off my next box and love you forever). 

What's on your menu this week?

Tired

So here's a fun* game I've been playing recently: Am I doing this because that or because I'm depressed?

Am I sleeping for nine hours straight and waking up bone tired because my meds are off? Or am I depressed? Am I paralyzed at the thought of picking up the phone and calling the dentist to make appointments for the kids because I hate talking on the phone? Or am I depressed? Am I unsettled and frustrated at work because I have very little control over a situation that negatively affects my day-to-day work? Or am I depressed? Am I crying at anything and everything because the world is a terrifying place to raise children, am I overwhelmed by the fact that it's September because it signals the return of busy schedules and less downtime, am I short and irritable with my children because they're children and children are kind of the worst while you're teaching them to be good, kind citizens of the world, am I sad - a lot - because I miss important people who I wish could be a bigger part of my life, am I dwelling on words spoken about my children and my parenting style because my biggest fear is screwing up this parenting gig, am I not coping well because my therapist took the summer off, am I drowning in laundry / dishes / dust because I have young kids and that's just part of this season of life, or am I depressed? 

I truly don't know.

Anxiety is my jam. I can describe the different ways I've experienced anxiety throughout my life. I can read lists, listen to spoken word, and acknowledge the experience of others, while identifying strongly. I recognize anxiety. Anxiety is a familiar beast.

Depression is more foreign to me. I've definitely experienced periods of being blue. I'm a feeler. I feel all the feels - the good, the bad, the ugly. But I've never felt like this. It's entirely possible that this is the end of summer funk. That the thought of rushed school mornings and packed lunches and the return of the rainy season has messed with my equilibrium. Maybe in a few weeks we'll be back in the swing of things and I won't feel so defeated. But right now, I am struggling. I am not coping well. I do not want to give up caffeine / sugar / alcohol or call my doctor or go to the gym to sweat it out. I want to send my words out into the universe and hear that I'm not the only one. And then I want to curl up in bed and sleep for nine hours because soon it will be morning and I'll be waking up tired.  

*it's not fun at all. It's terrible. 

Boundaries

I’m a big fan of boundaries. Learning to say no, not right now, not that much, that’s not for me, that’s not right, that doesn’t work for me, is an ongoing struggle for me, but one that is so important. Hello, my name is Hillary, and I am a recovering people pleaser. 

Figuring out what your personal boundaries are, and then implementing them and sticking with them, is a form of radical self-care. Putting ourself over others isn’t something we’ve been raised to do. We’ve been taught to share and be polite and be kind, and those are extremely important skills to master. But somewhere along the way the lines got blurred and we started putting the comfort and happiness of others ahead of our own. 

So! Boundaries! Big fan. Love them. Nothing bad to say about boundaries.  

But it’s difficult to love boundaries when someone says no to you. When someone decides that you’re too much, not right for them, not right right now, too strong, too weak, too something , it stings. It really hurts when someone’s personal boundaries means limiting contact, unfollowing, unfriending, pulling away, ending communication, breaking up, shutting down, etc. It’s hard and it hurts. 

And there’s nothing to be done except sitting in the pain and acknowledging the hurt. Respecting boundaries the way you expect others to respect yours means you can’t try to change someone’s mind. You can’t convince someone to change how they feel. That’s not fair to them and it’s not fair to you. Because you deserve more than that. You deserve to be surrounded by people who choose to be in your life, not people you have to chase or manipulate.  

Sometimes respecting someone’s boundaries means saying goodbye. It’s painful and sometimes it doesn’t make any sense but in the end, walking away from a situation that no longer works can be the best way to take care of ourselves. It doesn’t feel good when people grow in different directions and we lose people we thought could never be consciously lost to us, but the end right now doesn’t have to mean it’s the end forever. 

I’m doing my best to respect my own boundaries and the boundaries of others, even when they’re confusing and uncomfortable for me. I don’t always succeed but I always try.