My surgeon told me to expect the pathology report within one to two weeks after my surgery. Tomorrow marks four weeks since my surgery and I still don't have my results. 

Patience is not one of my strengths. When I want to know something, I want to know now. I don't want to wait, I find no comfort in "no news is good news," and trusting the system is something that's been slowly squeezed from me almost five years into this cancer thing. 

May will mark five years since my diagnosis. Five years is a huge milestone in the cancer world. For a lot of types of cancer, fives years means the risk of recurrence drops drastically and life expectancy raises significantly. Five years is a bfd. 

The logical part of me knows that having a recurrence now would be terrible, but so would having a recurrence at six years, or ten years, or twenty. A recurrence means cancer and cancer is terrible (even if it's a good cancer DON'T EVEN GET ME STARTED). 

But the emotional part of me wants to get to five years. It feels like we've been working for it since the day I was diagnosed. I say "we" and not "I" because it's been a group effort. My family, my friends, people who used to be acquaintances, strangers on the internet, so many people have played a role in my recovery. I couldn't even attempt to list the numerous ways people have supported me and loved me as I've flailed my way through this. Not reaching my five year mark feels like I'm failing them as much as my body fails me. (I know, I know. But this is not the logical part of me, okay? It is the stay-up-all-night-the-night-before-surgery-and-watch-my-babies-sleep part of me.) 

And so I wait. Practicing patience, or at the very least, honing my fortitude until I finally get the results from my surgery. Laser eyes and positive vibes welcomed and appreciated.

Meal Plan 04/16/2018 - 04/20/2018

I'm heading back to work tomorrow after being off since my surgery. I'm a little nervous because I'm still struggling with low energy but I'm ready to venture out into the real world again. I knew I would want a little cushion to get back into our regular routine so I scheduled HelloFresh this week. No regrets. 


Monday: Chicken and rice stew from the freezer. It's not exciting food but it's comforting food. And it doesn't require any prep other than throwing in a pot to heat up. I'll serve with roasted broccoli for something green. 

Tuesday: Mustard-and-Herb-Crusted Pork with Roasted Potatoes and Broccolini from HelloFresh

Wednesday: Moroccan-Spiced Chicken Thighs with Freekeh, Butternut Squash, and Lemon Crema from HelloFresh (I've never cooked with freekeh before so I'm really excited to try this recipe.)

Thursday: Roasted Cauliflower Biryani with Carrots and Dried Currants and Crispy Chana Dal from HelloFresh

Friday: Charcuterie Friday 

If you want to join in the HelloFresh magic, use this link for $40 off your first box (full disclosure: if you use my link, I earn $25 off my next box).

What's on your menu this week? Have you cooked with freekeh before? Have I been missing out and is my mind about to be blown?

Brain Fog

I'm not a doctor or the least bit science-y so I can't speak to the facts of general anesthesia but I can speak to my own experience which is this: general anesthesia is hard on the brain. This was the sixth time I've been put under in the last five years and while the general anesthesia during the surgery and immediately afterwards was the smoothest experience I've had so far, the post-surgery recovery has been tough. My attention span is laughable. My energy is low, my thinking is muddled and slow, and it takes herculean effort to form a complete thought. 

It's one thing to tell you my brain feels foggy but I think I can best describe it by telling you what I did a few nights after my surgery. Before I tell you my shame, though, it's important you know a couple things. One: Poppy is not my first child. Two: Poppy is not an infant. 

Ready? Okay!

It's a few nights after my surgery. I am struggling to function in the critical thinking department. I am existing in a fog. Shawn and I realize Poppy has a bit of a fever but she's acting normally so we go about our day. Fast forward to 3 o'clock in the morning and Poppy is burning up. She's fast asleep but breathing loudly and quickly enough to wake both me and Shawn up.

We have an ear thermometer but it gives different readings literally seconds apart. Every time I use it I decide we need to buy a new thermometer and then I forget about it again until we go to use it the next time someone has a fever. (NOTE TO SELF: buy a new thermometer.) So I do the ear thermometer thing on Poppy and get a reading of 104.6F. 

I decide to call the nurses line. We go through a series of questions and I begin to feel more and more stupid for calling about my peacefully sleeping baby who has a bit of a fever (see above: not my first baby! Not an infant!) And then the nurse asks me if Poppy is lethargic. It is now 3:30 a.m. and Poppy is fast asleep (and has been asleep since about 7:30 p.m.)

Y'all, I woke up the sleeping baby at 3:30 a.m. to see if she was lethargic. (Spoiler alert: after I woke her up she was NOT SO MUCH LETHARGIC as she was pissed right off.) 

Anyway, Poppy is fine, she's just got a nasty cold, and I will be fine once my brain starts firing normally (hopefully sometime soon). 

PS: I wrote about the less hilarious aspect of my surgery over on VancouverMom.ca go check it out and give some love to the other VM Voices.

Meal Plan 04/02/2018 - 04/06/2018

Things are slowly returning to normal after the chaos of last week. I'm started to feel better but my energy levels are still low. I want to try to make meals this week to keep myself occupied (I'm so bored and still can't drive) but keep them simple so I'm not wearing myself out. 


Monday: Flank steak with chimichurri sauce served with roasted broccoli and Mexican Street Corn Salad

Tuesday: Broccoli Cheddar Chicken Rollups (using buttermilk instead of eggs) served with roasted sweet potatoes and green salad

Wednesday: One Pot Couscous Chicken with Bacon and Corn served with asparagus

Thursday: Leftovers

Friday: Pizza or sushi takeout

What are you eating this week?