With or without you

I was flipping through radio stations as I drove home last night and a song came on that I recognized within half a second. It was like a punch to the gut, all of the air left my body in one whoosh, and I was transported mumblemumble years back to my early twenties. I was already feeling a little raw because of the new moon but I was surprised by how intensely I reacted to hearing a song I haven’t heard in so many years.

Music has always evoked strong emotions in me. I’ve been brought to tears on more than one occasion by the feelings I feel when I hear certain songs, a specific lyric, or a particularly emotive voice. It’s no surprise I ended up marrying a musician is what I’m saying.

I used to feel silly about being brought to tears over music but lately I’m refusing to see it as weakness or frivolity. Maybe it’s just me getting older and having fewer fucks left to give, or maybe it’s witnessing the beauty of my kids experiencing their own feelings so deeply, but whatever it is, I’m glad for it. I don’t think that feeling my feelings is a bad thing and I won’t feel ashamed, and I hope that my kids grow up knowing they have the freedom to feel their feelings in whatever capacity suits them best. If that means weeping over a pop song, so be it.



I love music. I LOVE love music. It's difficult to describe how I love music. I'm not a musician. I cannot sing a tune to save my life. But my life would be empty without music. A good song can (and often does) bring me to tears.

My dad also loves music. My most vivid memories of him from when I was a kid are of him singing (Willie Nelson. Poorly but enthusiastically.) He had this bizarrely elaborate audio system (you had to flick, like, seven switches just to play a cassette tape) and he used to fill our home with music.

Last night my dad and I got to see Hugh Laurie play at one of the most beautiful venues Vancouver has to offer (the Orpheum.) He and seven amazingly talented musicians put on an awesome show of old timey, jazzy blues. Not my favourite genre but extremely entertaining (and honestly, kind of awe-inspiring. Everyone on that stage seemed to have music in their veins. They were living, breathing, and sweating music all over the place. It was beautiful to watch.)

After the show, we got to meet Hugh Laurie (because my friend who works in the music industry is amazing and not only gave us free tickets and swag, but arranged a meet & greet too.) It was kind of a surreal moment. He signed an album for me and when I told him it was Hillary with two Ls he said it better end with a Y because he wouldn't two Es and I'm pretty sure that means we're married now. Or at the very least BFFs.