We're fine. Everything is fine.

Last week when I picked Poppy up from daycare, her teacher said she thought Pops might have a stomach bug because she'd had a few terrible diapers that afternoon. My insides went cold and my voice got pinched as I tried to laugh it off with a panicked "oh I'm sure it's just the antibiotics she's on for her double ear infection, or the painkillers she's on because Grady accidentally slammed her hand in the car door."  

Less than fourty-eight hours later, in the middle of the night, Grady was vomiting in the top bunk of his bunk bed and Poppy was vomiting in our bed.  

Fortunately, the virus was fast and furious, and though it knocked out everyone in our family, it was gone within a few days. Unfortunately, it left Poppy with a terrible, hacking cough that had me staying up all night to make sure she kept breathing. Back to the doctor. And a second double ear infection diagnosis in as many weeks. 

I am so tired, y'all. I am tired to the bone.  

I started January with big dreams of organization, and exercise, and de-cluttering, and adequate sleep. You know, truly original January goals. And now here I am, wrung out, staggering toward the end of the month, wishing away time, frazzled and anxious. I need to hit the reset button. So! January 31st is my new New Year's Eve, as well as a full moon which brings with it some much needed moon magic. February 1st I start over, refreshed, re-inspired, and (hopefully) healthy enough to tackle my goals for the year. Let's do this. 

A Harried Mom's Skin Routine

I don't have much of a skincare routine because I'm fortunate enough to be a natural beaut-haaaaa, sorry, I can't even finish that sentence. I'm fortunate enough to have inherited my mom's skin. My mom has amazing skin. My mom is a natural beauty. And so far, I've been able to float through life without a complicated skincare regimen.

Until now.

Hormones, lack of sleep, anxiety (picking!) and forgoing drinking my usual buckets of water and replacing with coffee have taken a toll on my skin. Not to mention that my current skincare routine looks something like this:

  • Wake up. Shower, if I'm feeling fancy (and the kids allow it). If no shower, splash cold water on my face to wake up.
  • After Poppy's last diaper change of the evening, use a (CLEAN! I'm not an animal) baby wipe to wash my face. After her eczema cream application, smear whatever's left on my hands over my face.

That's it. I truly am that gross.

Funnily enough, my skin has suffered.

I need to make a change before I go from just feeling frumpy to feeling absolutely terrible about myself (true beauty comes from within, I know, but sometimes a gal just wants to look good, okay?). I've cut back on my coffee intake, and replaced it with water, and it feels like a positive start. I need to start taking better care of my skin though, especially as we head into summer and there's a possibility (slim as it may be) the sun will make an appearance.

What's your skincare routine? Do you love specific products? My skin is: sensitive and somewhat dry so moisture is a big concern for me. I also try to keep my products as "healthy" as possible (I use this as a guide when choosing products). I use the kids' sunscreen on my face and body but I think I should probably start using a face-specific one to prevent the pore congestion I notice every summer. What I need is someone to tell me exactly what I should buy and how I should use it. Help?

 

Okay / Not Okay

I am okay until I am not okay and the shift always catches me by surprise. For the most part, I am doing okay. I am still in regular therapy and it's been extremely helpful for me. But it's frustrating to still be in this okay / not okay holding pattern because I expected to be "better" by now. (Better. Ha. What is better?)

I met my new niece last week. She was less than a week old, brand new and squishy. I am over-the-moon happy for my sister and her family. I am so in love with my new little family member. Grady was so interested in the tiny little baby with her button nose and her wee toes and her snuffly little cries. It physically hurt to see Grady interact with his new baby cousin. I don't want it to. I don't want to be sad when I see babies or pregnant ladies. And I'm not, always. I'm happysad. I'm okay / not okay.

My oldest friend is getting married in Wales this week. I expected to be there with her. I told her I would be there with her. Spoiler alert: I am not there with her. I am not okay enough to travel to Europe. My anxiety and my energy levels will not allow me to be there for my oldest friend as she marries her love.  

My sisters and my oldest friend and my people tell me it is okay to be not okay. They tell me to be gentle with myself and take the time I need to get better. They tell me to feel my feelings and not worry about disappointing anyone - I will be okay when I am okay and trying to force it or pretend isn't helping anyone. My sisters and my oldest friend and my people are smart people. They are thoughtful and kind and wise so I will make myself believe that they know what they're talking about. I will trust that one day I will just be okay. So okay that I don't even think about it anymore, I'll just be. And until that day comes, I will try my hardest to stop pretzeling myself into the shape of someone who is okay all the time.  

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Landscape SOS

Our front yard is in need of a little DIY TLC (OMGWTFBBQ?). It was mostly finished when we moved in last year but then we neglected it and now it is just sad. We knew when we moved in that we wanted to put up a small retaining wall and level the front lawn but for some strange reason, just talking about it hasn't actually resulted in anything being done. 

So! This year we are going to pretty up our sad front yard. We want to put up a small stone retaining wall at the property line (about a foot above the end of the hill) and then get the city to raise the utility access points so we can add some fill to level the front lawn. We just need someone to tell us what to do with the rest. What would you do with our yard?

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Iron Man is going to be pissed to lose his power station but he'll get over it.

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Sad neglected yard :(