Moon Magic

I like to mark the full moon by reflecting on the previous weeks and setting intentions for the coming weeks. I know it’s typically more of a new moon activity but I’m a visual beast and I connect better with the full moon. 

This morning I was in a bit of a tizz as I packed school bags and lunches and got kids in their shoes and car seats etc. At one point Poppy grabbed my face and yelled, “HILLARY, DON’T BE MAD.”  And I wasn’t mad, I was just stressed out and trying to do 87 things in four minutes, but it’s stuck with me all day. Partly because it’s hilarious but also because it’s made me realize how wound up I get when I think I’m going to be late or when my brain is going in too many directions. 

I’m not going to set a bunch of intentions or goals tonight. I’m going to set one: slow down. Slow down with the kids, with Shawn, with myself. Take a breath. Do one thing at a time. Give people my full attention. Sit down when I eat instead of shovelling food into my mouth while I help kids get dressed and sign permissions slips. Slow down my speech, think about what I want to say, say it kindly. Be with the people I’m with. 

What’s your full moon magic? 

Just a Little Moon Magic

Tonight is the full moon. I'm not suggesting we all gather outside and dance naked under the moonlight but damn, it's been a long, cold winter and I am ready to shed some stuff. Sitting in a quiet, candlelit room without screens, connections, or distractions, and evaluating what the last lunar cycle brought you and what you want to let go of, is a great way to check in with yourself. It's not always comfortable (sometimes the last thing I want to do is ask myself how I'm doing) but I never regret doing it. If you feel a little jangly, light a candle and muster up a couple deep breaths. Sit comfortably with yourself for five minutes, ten if you can manage. Don't worry about what's next. Don't fret about what's happened. Breathe in the moment. And maybe do a little wiggle in the moon's rays if you feel so inclined. Next full moon is March 31st, lovelies. See you then for some more moon magic?

Full Moon - One

When Grady was wee and I was crazy (like, lying-on-the-bathroom-floor-crying-every-night crazy,) I lived every day in 4-hour increments. I could do anything for four hours. I could get through four hours. Four hours would not kill me.

Slowly things improved and four hours became six hours, which became 12 hours, which became a day, which became a week. And then I wasn't counting down my life anymore. I was just living. 

And then I got sick. And I started counting again. Weeks between procedures. Days between appointments. Two days between diagnosis and Mother's Day (do not recommend! There was a lot of pearl clutching during our family's Mother's Day brunch.) 

Slowly, slowly things turned into our new kind of normal. There have been a few bumps in the road but we're still moving forward. I want to take this momentum and use it to make 2014 my year. I don't want to feel like life is flying at me, full-speed, whipping me from one direction to another, the way I felt during most of 2013.  I feel like 2013 happened to me. I don't want to feel that way ever again. 

I'm counting again but it's not about enduring. It's about building. I drove home under a beautiful full moon last week. I was alone and it was late and I decided that this year, I will live from full moon to full moon. I will make goals and set intentions and I will happen to 2014. 

I am being gentle with myself. I'm going slow. I don't want to try to do too much too soon and end up tired and cranky. My first set of full moon goals are:

Run 30km. Total. Runs can be any length, I just want to complete 30km within a month. I realize this is not a long distance but I went for my first post-surgery run last week and I only managed 3 very painful kilometers. (Trying to be nice to myself. We all have to start somewhere! So much room for improvement! Yada yada yada.) 

Go for one solo swim. Just one. There is a pool in my building. Swimming laps is excellent cardio and it may help the tightness and pain I still have in my neck from my surgeries.

Write for one hour a week. No editing. No re-reading / judging. Just write. It doesn't have to be anything. It can be a fucking grocery list. Just write. 

Mail at least one handwritten note to a friend.

That's it. I'm starting small. By February 14th I want to accomplish everything on my Full Moon list. Do you set monthly intentions? Or are you more of an annual New Year's resolutions type of person?

Rebirth

It’s raining tonight. It’s raining tonight and it’s been raining basically nonstop for two days and there’s a full moon. Conditions are ripe for a little rebirth is what I’m saying.

A couple days ago a friend texted to see how my day was going and I replied, “I feel like I’m losing my grip.” I didn’t specify on what. Reality, sanity, take your pick. It’s been a weird month, an odd season, a wonky year. I’m discombobulated and have been for a while.

But there’s not a lot I love more than a little moon magic, and a good rainstorm can always shake my mood loose.

2019 will go down in the books as not my favourite year, but I’m not writing it off completely just yet. There’s more than a quarter of the year remaining, and it’s a good quarter indeed. I’ve got pumpkin pie season, my birthday and Thanksgiving, spooky season, 50%-off candy season, and then the explosion of joy that is December to look forward to. My internal (eternal, I hope) optimist is ready to salvage what I can of 2019. Pass the Reese’s.