#coffeenuts

The air has been heavy for the last few days. The weather is flipping between gorgeous sun and grey with hot, humid rain and my head is just over it. I don't deal well in weather like this. It's time to look for some happy.

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I have a squishy new baby niece. She arrived earthside on Monday and she and my sister are both healthy and happy. I haven't seen her yet because I had a bug on the weekend so I'm doing my best to get germ-free so I can go sniff some newborn head.

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"Whatcha doin'?"

"Making coffee."

"Mmmmmm...those coffee nuts smell delicious!"

#coffeenuts #forever

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Houndmouth. Specifically "Sedona" with the lyrics:
"I remember I remember when your neon used to burn so bright and pink
A Saturday night kind of pink."

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The Life-Changing Magic of Tidying Up: The Japanese Art of Decluttering and Organizing.

Okay so I need to do an entire post, or numerous posts, on this book but let me just say this: I resisted this book for a long time. I owned it for months before I started reading it. I rolled my eyes enthusiastically while reading parts of it. I did not believe it could - or want it to - change my life. It is changing my life. Dammit.

Tomorrow You'll Never Do it Again

"I'm sorry I lost my patience with you, buds."

"It's okay, mama. Tomorrow you'll never do it again."

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He says "got-for" instead of "forgot" and the day he stops and says it correctly will be the saddest day.

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Roast chicken and root vegetables on an autumn Sunday.

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Spending a rare sunny late September day on a boat in the most beautiful place in the world.

Transient

Grady 3 Years 6 Days

Grady at his very first sports ball ("soccer") practice: "Let's go home and read books and eat ice cream."

Grady on getting peanut butter between his fingers: "This. Is. The. WORST."

Grady describing his perfect August long weekend: "We call Maddy. And then we play with Maddy. And then we take Maddy to the park. And then Maddy plays with my Legos. When is Maddy coming over?" (Monday. Maddy is coming over Monday.)

Grady noticing I have a popsicle and giving a little eyebrow wiggle: "I share with you?"

Finding My Happy

When you live in survival mode, you shut off the non-essentials. But sometimes those non-essentials (like taking care of your feeeeelings) are maybe a little more important than you are willing to admit. And then you stop living in survival mode and you can take a deep breath and reassess your situation and you realize that shit, feelings you should have been feeling and unhealthy thoughts and patterns you should have been acknowledging have somehow become insurmountable. 

I'm doing some therapy is what I'm saying. 

It's a good thing. 

Two days after my cancer diagnosis, after a particularly difficult Mother's Day brunch, I told my family that I didn't want anyone to feel any feelings near me. And I've kind of stayed there in that defensive, shut down place. I've tried very hard to not feel anything or acknowledge my emotions. Because cancer is terrifying. Even if it's a good cancer. Even if you have an excellent prognosis. It's scary and it made me feel raw and perpetually terrified. 

But the therapy! The therapy is helping me work through some stuff. My therapist is working on mindfulness therapy with me. I like it because it's kind of what I try to do anyway (think of good things every day and meditate on what I feel grateful for) just in a more structured way (I have to be grateful. Every day. Even if the only thing I'm grateful for is gin.) 

I've been using Schmutzie's Grace in Small Things for getting to my happy place and recording my bits of positivity on Facebook but I'd like to start doing that here, too. I've got a GiST profile (like, five years late but hey, late is better than never, right?) and I'd love it if you joined me. Let's get happy, people.