With or without you

I was flipping through radio stations as I drove home last night and a song came on that I recognized within half a second. It was like a punch to the gut, all of the air left my body in one whoosh, and I was transported mumblemumble years back to my early twenties. I was already feeling a little raw because of the new moon but I was surprised by how intensely I reacted to hearing a song I haven’t heard in so many years.

Music has always evoked strong emotions in me. I’ve been brought to tears on more than one occasion by the feelings I feel when I hear certain songs, a specific lyric, or a particularly emotive voice. It’s no surprise I ended up marrying a musician is what I’m saying.

I used to feel silly about being brought to tears over music but lately I’m refusing to see it as weakness or frivolity. Maybe it’s just me getting older and having fewer fucks left to give, or maybe it’s witnessing the beauty of my kids experiencing their own feelings so deeply, but whatever it is, I’m glad for it. I don’t think that feeling my feelings is a bad thing and I won’t feel ashamed, and I hope that my kids grow up knowing they have the freedom to feel their feelings in whatever capacity suits them best. If that means weeping over a pop song, so be it.

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