Breathe

It's impossible to describe anxiety to someone who hasn't experienced the heart-clenching, endless buzz of intrusive thoughts. I tell Shawn the angry bees are too loud to make any sense and to his credit, he tries to make space for what he doesn't understand. But kid stuff and work stuff and school stuff and band stuff are doing their best to keep us submerged. 

Life is a bit overwhelming right now is what I'm saying.

We're all busy. That's life now, isn't it? With out constant attachment to technology and 24/7 connection, we're never really "off." It makes it difficult to focus on the root when we're constantly swatting away the urgent/asap/quick question/stat/just a secs. 

I started seeing a new therapist, which in itself is a giant victory because of the many (tiny) hard steps it took me to get to my first appointment. She's big on mindfulness and checking in and being in the moment. Last week she had me close my eyes and focus on my breath and not do anything else for five minutes. It was torturous. (And not just because that five minutes cost me almost twenty bucks.) I could not sit still, with myself, by myself for five minutes. It was a depressing thing to discover. 

Mental health can be challenging to talk about. I can tell you about the terrible cold I had or how I stubbed my toe so hard it turned purple and made me hobble for a week, but telling you my brain feels broken terrifies me. But...I'm not alone. I know the angry bees are haunting so many people and maybe if we all start to talk about it, even just a little bit, we'll feel less alone.