I've been struggling with my anxiety more than usual lately. Everything feels heightened, like I'm constantly ready for the zombie apocalypse. My fight-or-flight switch is stuck in the on position.
So I decided I should give up coffee (ha! sob). I'm not sleeping well. My heart is constantly racing. Caffeine seemed like the obvious choice to eliminate.
Yesterday was my first day without coffee. I lasted until 10am and then I found myself steering, completely against my will, into the Starbucks drive through. I beat myself up the entire time. There was a long line of cars and the entire time I sat there, I berated myself. What if the long line was a sign? What if the universe was trying to tell me that caffeine is not my friend, and I do need to drop my coffee habit?
I pulled up the window feeling defeated. I reached out the window, rain pouring down on me, and tried to hand the barista my card.
"Our system just went down," she told me with a smile. "This one's on us!"
MESSAGE RECEIVED LOUD AND CLEAR, UNIVERSE.
It was like the heavens parted and the sun shone down on me for that brief, happy moment. The universe doesn't want me to give up coffee. Coffee doesn't ask stupid questions. Coffee understands.