Last night I flipped my calendar from January to February and I don't think I've ever been so happy for a fresh page. It's no longer the month I found out I was (surprise) pregnant. It's no longer the month I found out my body failed me yet again (seriously, body, you had one job.) January was limbo and a roller coaster all at the same time. January was doctor's appointments and specialist's appointments and so many blood tests. January was a surprise up-the-brewster ultrasound.
February is not going to be easy. The pregnancy isn't viable but my body has yet to get the memo. There will be another up-the-brewster ultrasound this week but at least I know about this one in advance so I can be prepared. There will be more blood tests for my speshul snowflake thyroid hormones (I swear, I just have to sneeze and my thyroid hormones go out of whack.) February will not be great physically but I don't think it can get much worse emotionally (she says while knocking on wood furiously.)
I'm disappointed. The timing of this surprise pregnancy was not great but it just felt like something good after a lot of difficult health stuff. And now it's just one more thing my broken body can't do.