I've been feeling heavy and sluggish and unhappy overall with my general health and body image. I've been cutting myself a little too much slack because of my health struggles. Yes, synthetic thyroid hormone replacement therapy is difficult and messes with my body. No, I refuse to let this hold me back any longer.
I needed to do something drastic to motivate myself to make a change. Too often I get sucked into the shame spiral of "I hate how I feel, I hate how I look, oh look cinnamon buns!" It's a vicious cycle.
A friend of mine is in school to be a personal trainer. She is also the most fit person I know, with unending energy and zest for helping people reach their goals. I signed up for a 21-day challenge she is starting on January 5th and I am terrified.
You guys, I love sugar. LOVE love it. I cannot go a day without a sweet treat. Multiple sweet treats. When I am tired or sad or stressed or anxious or bored, I reach for sugar. Sugar doesn't ask stupid questions. Sugar understands.
The 21-day challenge I'm starting on Monday combines daily workouts (30 minutes in the comfort of my own home) and portion and ratio control. I will be measuring out my proteins and my carbs, etc., and I will be abstaining from sugar.
The fact that I'm so anxious about giving up sugar is probably a really good indication that my sugar consumption is something I need to address. I know this logically. But I'm still panicking.
I'm going to write about my 21-day challenge here. Not for compensation or affiliate links (if you want more info on the program I'm doing specifically, feel free to reach out on my contact page) but for accountability. I've never done a diet program before; in the past I've always just cut back on cheese and baked goods when my pants felt a little tight and it seemed to work well enough for me.
But I've also never felt this weak before. Growing up, I was an athlete. As an adult, I wouldn't say that I lead a particularly active life but I'm not sedentary either. But before I got sick, before surgery and drugs and convalescence wreaked havoc on my body, I felt strong. Not, like, "I pump you up" strong but I could run a couple miles without falling over. I could participate in beer league softball and have fun and not die. I don't have that anymore. My muscles feel like mush. I got winded putting the cover on our duvet yesterday. I feel like I'm slowly crumbling inward and it's spooked me enough to commit to this 21-day challenge.
I'm not perfect. Part of my motivation for doing this challenge to is to feel good about how I look. But it's more than just my appearance. I want to feel strong again. I want to build up my strength and endurance so my Ride to Conquer Cancer in August isn't a disaster. I want to get my body in tip top shape because I want to have another baby one day and being healthy seems like a good place to start.
So! My 21 days starts on Monday. Wish me luck (I'll need it!)