Can I just take a moment to tell you all that you rock? Your hair looks great and you smell nice and I wish we all lived closer together so we could hug it out. I woke up this morning to 40 Twitter notifications on my phone mirroring my righteous indignation at the daycare potty situation. I don't have a wide circle of local mama friends. I'm so thankful for my internet tribe.
So! I totally wimped out and emailed the daycare director instead of calling her. I'm a crier. Especially when I'm angry. I figured I should start with an email so I didn't come across as a crazy lady.
My email was firm but fair. I told the director what Grady told me had been said to him. I clearly stated our stance on potty training. I asked for clarification on the preschool room's diaper policy (maybe they want the preschool room kids to be potty trained and just didn't mention it to us.) I asked her to call me so we could talk about it.
And then I fretted because I hate confrontation AND I got a pap smear. So. My morning was freaking awesome.
The daycare director called me just after lunch. We had a nice long chat and I feel satisfied with how it was handled. She told me they don't pressure the kids to potty train and it's totally up to the families to initiate. They support potty training efforts but don't try to manipulate or shame the kids. She said she could see how someone may have said something in jest and Grady could have misunderstood but she doesn't think any of the ladies would have said it maliciously. Which wasn't my point at all - if I thought it was the type of place that employed people who fucked with kids' heads, I would not continue to take my kid there. My point was that Grady is in this super literal stage right now and as someone who works with young kids, you have to be really careful what you say around them.
Anyway. I feel like I'm not explaining this well. I didn't send the email to accuse anyone. I didn't want or expect the director to, like, start an investigation. I just wanted my concern to be heard and it was. The director told me she would speak to the staff about what Grady said, she would go over the potty stuff with them, she would speak to Grady and make sure he felt comfortable and happy next time he was in (unfortunate timing - the daycare is closed next week so Grady isn't back in until September,) and she thanked me for speaking up and giving her an opportunity to clear it up and make things right with Grady. It helps that her genuine love for kids shines through her words. I was fuming last night and stewed over it all morning and then as soon as I spoke to the director it was like a huge weight had been lifted off my shoulders.
So it's resolved and not resolved at the same time. We won't know what was said to Grady (if anything even was said! Three is ... interesting so far. Testing boundaries and looking for reactions and all that.) It's possible that it was another little kid who said something (I've got my eye on one of the older kids who hasn't done anything outright horrible but has this asshole-y vibe about her.) Grady calls everyone on the preschool side "lady" so we can't be sure he was talking about one of the staff. But I'm okay with where it stands. I'm trying to think of it as a learning experience. Grady learns that some people suck and I learn that email is way better than phone calls because the recipient can't hear me rage cry through the screen.