There are a lot of really strong action words used when talking about cancer. I'm fighting cancer. It's my cancer battle. I'm brave. I'm courageous. I'm a warrior.
Words like these make me uncomfortable. I'm not brave or courageous. I'm normal. I'm scared. Sometimes I am grumpy. I'd rather be boring than be a warrior. True story.
Fighting and battling and warrior-ing are exhausting. Sometimes I get so annoyed by the cancer rah-rah routine. I'm tired. I'm in pain. All the time. Some days are better than others but I haven't felt 100% well in over a year. I'm scared that I don't have 100% anymore. Maybe 75% is my new 100%.
People say to me, "I don't know how you do it!" I know they are lovely and mean well but it still stings. I was unaware I had a choice. I do it because I have to do it. There is no other option.
I don't feel boosted up by strong words today. I feel silenced and inadequate. I'm not fighting cancer today. I'm whining and frustrated.