When Grady was wee and I was crazy (like, lying-on-the-bathroom-floor-crying-every-night crazy,) I lived every day in 4-hour increments. I could do anything for four hours. I could get through four hours. Four hours would not kill me.
Slowly things improved and four hours became six hours, which became 12 hours, which became a day, which became a week. And then I wasn't counting down my life anymore. I was just living.
And then I got sick. And I started counting again. Weeks between procedures. Days between appointments. Two days between diagnosis and Mother's Day (do not recommend! There was a lot of pearl clutching during our family's Mother's Day brunch.)
Slowly, slowly things turned into our new kind of normal. There have been a few bumps in the road but we're still moving forward. I want to take this momentum and use it to make 2014 my year. I don't want to feel like life is flying at me, full-speed, whipping me from one direction to another, the way I felt during most of 2013. I feel like 2013 happened to me. I don't want to feel that way ever again.
I'm counting again but it's not about enduring. It's about building. I drove home under a beautiful full moon last week. I was alone and it was late and I decided that this year, I will live from full moon to full moon. I will make goals and set intentions and I will happen to 2014.
I am being gentle with myself. I'm going slow. I don't want to try to do too much too soon and end up tired and cranky. My first set of full moon goals are:
Run 30km. Total. Runs can be any length, I just want to complete 30km within a month. I realize this is not a long distance but I went for my first post-surgery run last week and I only managed 3 very painful kilometers. (Trying to be nice to myself. We all have to start somewhere! So much room for improvement! Yada yada yada.)
Go for one solo swim. Just one. There is a pool in my building. Swimming laps is excellent cardio and it may help the tightness and pain I still have in my neck from my surgeries.
Write for one hour a week. No editing. No re-reading / judging. Just write. It doesn't have to be anything. It can be a fucking grocery list. Just write.
Mail at least one handwritten note to a friend.
That's it. I'm starting small. By February 14th I want to accomplish everything on my Full Moon list. Do you set monthly intentions? Or are you more of an annual New Year's resolutions type of person?