I smell funny. I didn't smell funny before cancer. Now I am constantly worried that people will be able to smell me and think I'm anti-shower or something. If I have to stand close to someone I find myself trying to apologize for my body odour. I am a mess.
I sort of knew that antiperspirant wasn't healthy but I purposefully refused to read any research on it because antiperspirant worked for me. I didn't have a favourite brand - I used whatever came in unscented and was on sale. I was willfully ignorant. And now I can't use antiperspirant because it makes me anxious. Not that it matters because antiperspirant doesn't work for me anymore. My cancer b.o. defeats every antiperspirant that has previously worked for me.
Cancer makes my breath smell funny. Sweet and cloying. I breathe syrup. I brush my teeth numerous times a day but I am never minty fresh. I am just nauseous and sickly sweet.
Cancer makes me self-conscious of my body in ways I haven't felt since I was a teenager. It is discomforting to be a thirty year old woman and be this preoccupied with how I look / how my body is perceived.