I quit my soul-crushing job in July 2012. My soul-crushing yet extremely well-paying job. Life without my paycheque has been an adjustment. I stayed at that soul-crushing job for 7 years because of that paycheque. Lord knows I wasn't staying for the supportive work environment (true story: I spent the last month of my employment crying in the bathroom at least once a day because I had been called stupid or arrogant or something similar.) I was so scared to leave my soul-crushing job because I had grown accustom to living with a certain amount of money (without acknowledging the amount of money I wasted on fancy coffee and online shopping and all my other tricks to convince myself to go to work that day.)
I'm lucky. I have an excellent network of friends and acquaintances. I know a lot of great people. I have been given numerous opportunities since leaving my soul-crushing job. Opportunities I would have turned down if I was still employed at my soul-crushing job. Sure, there is some hustle involved. There is no guaranteed paycheque and if I can't work (thanks, cancer!) I don't earn any money. But the trade-off is that I get to work with people I enjoy working with. People whom I actually respect. I get to write. I get to spend the day with my kid. I get to make my own fancy coffee in my kitchen.
Yesterday was a rare sunny November day. Grady and I went to the local sandwich place for a lunch date. Grady was in a hilarious mood, exclaiming, "mmm yummy pickle! Mmm yummy apple juice in my tummy! Mmm yummy cucumber!" after every bite. He charmed the owner into giving him a free chocolate chip cookie ("Mmm! Nummy cookie!") Afterward we went for a long walk. We crunched through leaves and threw rocks in the stream and crossed the wooden bridge (the "troll bridge" according to Grady) and didn't come inside until our cheeks were bright pink from the cold.
Yesterday filled me up to the brim with happy.
The hustle can be draining. Sometimes I don't get to start my work until 10pm and I'm up until 2am trying to catch up before the mania of the next day begins. Some days are so tough. Tougher than I think I can handle. But some days are so perfect that I can't believe my luck. I feel so lucky, you guys. I have cancer and I have so many bills and so little money and I've never felt happier.