I was supposed to have surgery today but a few weeks ago the date was changed to late April, and then it was changed again to late March. My anxiety is...not so great right now. 

I don't know how to explain it to Grady. Poppy is delightfully oblivious. And I'm stuck in a bit of a doom spiral, fluctuating between breezy and terrified, fine one minute and crying the next.  

It's kind of a weird place to be. I try not to wish time away but this next week cannot be over soon enough. 

Just a Little Moon Magic

Tonight is the full moon. I'm not suggesting we all gather outside and dance naked under the moonlight but damn, it's been a long, cold winter and I am ready to shed some stuff. Sitting in a quiet, candlelit room without screens, connections, or distractions, and evaluating what the last lunar cycle brought you and what you want to let go of, is a great way to check in with yourself. It's not always comfortable (sometimes the last thing I want to do is ask myself how I'm doing) but I never regret doing it. If you feel a little jangly, light a candle and muster up a couple deep breaths. Sit comfortably with yourself for five minutes, ten if you can manage. Don't worry about what's next. Don't fret about what's happened. Breathe in the moment. And maybe do a little wiggle in the moon's rays if you feel so inclined. Next full moon is March 31st, lovelies. See you then for some more moon magic?


It's impossible to describe anxiety to someone who hasn't experienced the heart-clenching, endless buzz of intrusive thoughts. I tell Shawn the angry bees are too loud to make any sense and to his credit, he tries to make space for what he doesn't understand. But kid stuff and work stuff and school stuff and band stuff are doing their best to keep us submerged. 

Life is a bit overwhelming right now is what I'm saying.

We're all busy. That's life now, isn't it? With out constant attachment to technology and 24/7 connection, we're never really "off." It makes it difficult to focus on the root when we're constantly swatting away the urgent/asap/quick question/stat/just a secs. 

I started seeing a new therapist, which in itself is a giant victory because of the many (tiny) hard steps it took me to get to my first appointment. She's big on mindfulness and checking in and being in the moment. Last week she had me close my eyes and focus on my breath and not do anything else for five minutes. It was torturous. (And not just because that five minutes cost me almost twenty bucks.) I could not sit still, with myself, by myself for five minutes. It was a depressing thing to discover. 

Mental health can be challenging to talk about. I can tell you about the terrible cold I had or how I stubbed my toe so hard it turned purple and made me hobble for a week, but telling you my brain feels broken terrifies me. But...I'm not alone. I know the angry bees are haunting so many people and maybe if we all start to talk about it, even just a little bit, we'll feel less alone. 


Why Do We Need World Breast Pumping Day?

Today is World Breast Pumping Day, which maybe sounds a bit odd to some. If you've not pumped, you probably don't have a very clear concept of how much time, energy, and effort goes into pumping. Pumping is easily twice as time-consuming as breastfeeding straight from the breast, and results in the dreaded pile of dishes to wash (and sterilize!). 


Snugabell Mom & Baby Gear created World Breast Pumping Day to recognize pumping moms and the many different ways we choose to feed our babies. There is no one-size-fits-all solution for feeding our babies. What works for some families, doesn't work for others. What works for one baby, won't necessarily work for subsequent babies. And what works for mom, won't necessarily always work for mom. It's a fluid relationship in more ways than one. Circumstances change, priorities shift, and all we can do is try our best to adjust. 

World Breast Pumping Day gives us the chance to celebrate our successes and mourn the loss if we don't meet our own expectations. 

How can you celebrate World Breast Pumping Day? If you're a pumping mom, a breastfeeding mom, a chest-feeder, combo-feeder, formula-feeder, mom-to-be, experienced mom who isn't feeding infants anymore, or a supporting player (so literally everyone is welcome, as long as you're not a creep), RSVP for the virtual event here. Invite your friends and help spread the word. Share your story. Encourage others who are struggling. (And enter the amazing giveaway that closes at 11:59pm PST tonight...hurry up!)