I was recapping 2013 (okay, fine, I was complaining about 2013) to someone recently* and they commented that when Shawn and I make it through this year we'll be unstoppable. That if we can stay laughing, and stay best friends, we can make it through anything.
I also had to try very hard to not snort-laugh.
Because while it's true that our relationship is growing stronger from these challenges, it is also true that some days we want to punch each other right in the baby-maker. Some days we are not best friends. Some days we are not friends at all. Not even a little bit.
It's normal. It's to be expected. It's boring. But that doesn't make it any easier.
Shawn has been an amazing source of support and love throughout this cancer bullshit. He has also been an insensitive dolt at times. Because he's human. He's just a guy with a headstrong 2-year old and a demanding job and bills to pay ... and a wife with cancer.
I forget that, sometimes. I forget that this is hard for him too. Not hard in the same way. He hasn't said goodbye to Grady (twice! In the space of 5 weeks!) and wondered if it would be the last time. (Sidenote: I know. Tomorrow we could go outside and get hit by a bus or struck by lightning or eaten by sharks. I know that our time is not guaranteed. I ... don't care. Facing major surgery brings out the fainting couch and hand-wringing in me.) But just because he's not facing the same challenge I am doesn't make his challenge less valid. I think I need to tattoo that on the inside of my arm so I see it the next time I want to dickpunch him for complaining about his sniffly nose and sore throat.
*2013: told I didn't have cancer, told I had cancer, two surgeries, complications from second surgery which resulted in longer hospital stay than anticipated, difficulty getting hormone levels correct, ambiguity from oncologist about treatment plan, stolen motorcycle, car damaged by falling parkade gate, family-wide bronchitis / Man Cold that has lasted for three weeks now and shows no sign of disappearing, Grady's heart thing which is possibly not a thing at all but we won't know until we have the echocardiogram.